Os gatos caem sempre de pé

Destiny part II

2010-07-13T21:39:00.000+01:00

Fuck it all, I'm going after my heart.

Be right back.

Destiny

2010-06-13T00:53:00.001+01:00

Destiny is such a strange word.

Why can't the past stay behind? Why does it have to haunt you, and get you when you least expect it? I really thought I buried every feeling and memory, and then with a click everything changes again.

Almost 9 years ago I met someone. Someone a I really liked, someone if I may dare say was the person I loved the most in my life. He wasn't perfect. Neither was I. He was my best friend, and I was his. Even though we never had much time together, the time we passed together was the happiest I had. And then things change, we lost contact through the years, since I came to the UK and he stayed back in Portugal. I tried to contact him. For 5 years I've been trying to find out if he is ok. A couple years back, I made contact with a friend of his, that told me that he was with someone and they had a child.

I was so sad.

And so happy.

I was happy that I finally found out about him, that he was ok, and happy. And I was so sad, all my hopes were crushed in that day, how could I compete with someone that gave him a child? And what about the child....? I just couldn't.

My heart was broken, but I carried on.

About a month ago, I remembered them again. I was able to find out that he had a little boy, and had a name of an angel. The name I would have given to my own child if I had a little boy. My heart was broken again, was it possible that after 5 years I didnt forget about him? That if we were together, probably that child would have been mine? I was so heartbroken that I decided to bury everything, to close every photo, letter and even feelings and memories I had of him in a box, and just let the past go. I opened my own door to the future, hoping that someday I would be happy just like him.

I was so wrong.

First time in about a week I logged in on msn, to find his name on my screen. I was so gobbsmacked I thought i was still sleeping. I accepted his invite. He was online. I said hello.

It was him... the same as I remembered, every word, every line on his face. Just the same. Like we never got apart. He flirted, like always. He told me he wasn't happy. He told me he didn't loved his "partner". He liked her, and he was with her because he believes it was the best for the child, but he didn't loved her.

He talked about the past. The past I've been desperatly trying to forget...
He remembered it all. All our memories.
And my heart was beating again.

And my heart sank after hearing that the mother of the child was the same girl he was with on the last day I saw him. On that day that we kissed goodbye.

Though I can't say I wasn't expecting that. Oh I was... I always felt it might be her.

But I saw the pain he had on his eyes, when he told me she betrayed him. And he just lost the love he had for her.

I don't know what to do.

I love him... I always did... love at first sight... and I think I'll always will.

But am I being good to my heart? Cause I know I'll be heartbroken again. I'll cause pain to others and to myself. I know he loves me as well... but everything changed, we are talking of a child in the middle of this...

Is it my destiny to keep living in the past? Is it my destiny to keep believing in a fairytale ending when deep down I know it will be quite different?

Funny word... destiny.

I just want my happy ever after.

Smells like Winter

2009-10-15T22:39:00.003+01:00

Interviews this week: 1
Jobs applied for: 4

Another week...
Still everything the same. Went to another interview this week, applied for a few more jobs, but no answers yet.
Going to London tomorrow. Have to go to the Consulate to sort some stuff and then I'll be passing in Chinatown to buy some yummy moon cakes and custard buns, and see the Chinatown shops XP
I really wanted to buy something that I've seen there last time, but they were quite expensive... Dunno if I'll buy them or not...
I'm going to work tomorrow as well thus I'll have to be back quite early.

I took a small break from K-dramas... I had quite alot of books that I wanted to read (finished reading Meg Cabot's "Airhead, Being Nikki" and "Queen of Babble gets Hitched"). I'm reading at the moment "Catarina de Bragança" and hopefully will start the new Dan Brown's soon.

More later :P

PS. Smells like Winter... reminds me of his smell...
.
.
.
I miss him...

Regret...?

2009-10-08T01:16:00.002+01:00

Jobs applied for this week: none
Number of interviews booked for next week: 1

Went to an interview last week, it went well... I think O.o
Going to another one next week.
Still didn't started studying for my driving test.
Finished watching Goong, it was cute, but the last episode was not enough (left the taste of "I want some more").
Finally reading Meg Cabot's Queen of Babble gets hitched.
Bit depressed atm... seems that I'll be working (part time at the restaurant) on Halloween evening, since its a Saturday. I love Halloween, I usually dress up for myself (even though last year I went trick or treating with my cousins. I know I'm not that age anymore, but for my first time, it was alot of fun). Is not like I had any plans this year either.

And I just remembered someone from the past... 7 years is way too many years. I kind of regret losing contact with him, he was a really special person. I feel a bit of a fool to have let him go. I only realise now the meaning of a few of his words and actions, and I blame myself for being so blind. Either way I can't turn back time, I never see him anymore since we completly lost contact. And the only bit of news that reached my ears is that he is happily with someone else and started his own family. Life goes on... I just wished mine wouldn't get stuck in the past.

Updates

2009-09-22T23:19:00.002+01:00

Jobs applied for this week: 3

I have got an interview next week :D
My first interview... yay!
My provisional licence arrived two days ago, so hopefully in about 3 months I have my driving licence ^^
And my Degree diploma arrived today as well, now I have to put a lovely (but professional) frame in it so I can display it in my wall.
I finished to watch the Full House K-drama and started on Goong (which is soooo fairy-tale-ish-like), I'm half way through it.
I've bought quite a few books lately, including the new Dan Brown, but I haven't put my mind to read them yet because I'm watching K-dramas in the evening.
I really need to start concentrating in getting the licence, thus I need to start studying again (gawwww, I do hate to study).
I'm going to bed now and watch another episode of Goong, tomorrow I need to start preparing for my interview since I have to do "homework" for it.

ciao

Mmmh

2009-09-09T23:08:00.003+01:00

Jobs applied for, today: 1.
Job Agency's interviews: 1.
Driver's Provisional Licence forms: sent.

There are memorable smells.
Not many people relate a place, a situation or even a person with a specific smell.
I do.
One of my favourites (smell&memory) is the Calvin Klein Rave Perfume for Man. Whenever I smell it reminds me of Pisa, Italy. It reminds me of getting lost in the city while listening to some nice music on the cold winter days. A very Bubbly trip to Rome. The last hug and goodbye of someone. It reminds me of that someone.

Even though all is in the past now, that scent has and will always have a bubblyness to it.

Fairy Tales

2009-09-08T23:43:00.006+01:00

I'm 23 years old.
I love Disney.
I collect Disney Princesses' stickers and my "latest" obsession is DeAgostini Disney Porcelain Dolls.
I just really like to look at them and see how delicate they are. They make me remember the feeling I had as a child when watching a Disney film: the perfect fairy tale and happy ending! (Hey a girl can dream, can't she? XP )

So here is a picture of my collection so far:

Evil Witch (Snow White), Snow Whites with 3 different dresses, Prince Edward.
Cinderella in 3 different gowns, Prince and Fairy Godmother.
Belle in 2 different gowns.
Ariel with mermaid tail, Ariel with Wedding gown, Prince Eric.
2 Different Jasmines, Alladin.
Pocahontas and John Smith.

These past couple of days I've bought on ebay: Belle with a blue gown, Mulan as a warrior and Mulan with the chinese ceremonial dress. I know I have a really long way to go, since this collection has prolly more than 100 figures. But I think I'm keeping it up with my 20+3 figures, and still counting (hey I'm bidding in a few more XP!).

PS. Ok I just bought two more: Jasmin with her wedding dress and Flora, one of Sleeping Beauty's fairies XP

I guess I have 20+5 now (the 5 are not yet delivered). I have a couple more I want to get tomorrow XP

I'm not that boring

2009-09-07T21:52:00.002+01:00

I love K-dramas.
I'm watching my 4th South Korean drama, and even though the plot is pretty much the same as the others I've seen, I keep loving them.

I first fell in love with them when watching "Boys Before Flowers" (Boys Over Flowers/ Hana Yori Dango). Such a fresh plot from the awful Portuguese and British soap operas (plus K-dramas are usually short, being composed of 16 to 30 - half an hour or one hour - episodes).

Synopsis: Jan Di is an average girl whose family owns a dry cleaning store located near the luxurious and well known Shin Hwa College. Jan Di meets the four richest and most spoiled boys known as the F4. After saving a boy from jumping off the roof of Shinhwa High School, she is admitted into the school on a swimming scholarship. Jan Di tries to avoid confrontation with the F4 at all cost because she knows what happens to those that stand against them. However, when Jan Di's friend, Oh Min Ji, accidentally gets ice cream on the leader of the F4's shoes, she's forced to declare war on the leader of the F4, Goo Joon Pyo.

I just love the guy that does Yoon Ji Hoo (Kim Hyun Joong) >w<

Another K-drama that I really enjoyed was "My Girl"

Synopsis: When Gong Chan (Lee Dong Wook) meets the lively and beautiful Yoo Rin (Lee Da Hae), he finds out that she has connections to his missing cousin, whom his grandfather has been searching for. He asks Yoo Rin to lie about being his long missing cousin until he can find his real cousin. She says yes, but soon their feelings for each other get in the way of their plans. Gong Chan's friend, Jung Woo (Lee Joon Ki) falls for Yoo Rin while Gong Chan's ex-girlfriend, Seo Hyun (Park Si Yeon), a pro tennis player, tries to win him back. Will the two ever tell each other how they feel? Will Gong Chan ever find his real cousin?

And "Coffee Prince"

Synopsis: The life of Go Eun Chan (Yoon Eun Hye) is not easy; she works many jobs to pay off debts and even gave up her feminine image. Choi Han Kyul (Gong Yoo) is the heir of a big food company, but his grandmother wants him to settle down, so she arranged many dates for him. After Eun Chan bumped into Han Kyul and was mistaken for a boy, Han Kyul decided to hire Eun Chan to be his gay lover in order to avoid the arranged dates. Desperately in need of money, Eun Chan had no choice but to accept. Han Kyul's grandmother also made Han Kyul in charge of a filthy coffee shop in danger of being bankrupt. Eun Chan begged to work at the coffee shop, and not long after, feelings start to spark, except, how would Han Kyul accept his "homosexuality"?

Lastly I am watching "Full House" right now and I am loving it. (I cry every episode I watch, is just so touching and funny at the same time).

Synopsis: Han Ji Eun is a naive writer who got swindled out of everything she owned including her house by her best friends. Stranded in China, She managed to borrow money from an actor Lee Young Jae to return to Korea. On her return, she found out that her house was bought by Lee Young Jae. In an attempt to get her possessions back, she entered in a contract marriage with Young Jae for one year. In spite of losing all, Ji Eun manages to be cheerful and takes things in strike and the business relationship between the two becomes personal as they start to rely and care for each other. Based on a popular manhwa of the same title.

I am planning to watch Full House 2, Triple, Take Care of the Young Lady, Goong, The Vineyard Man, Winter Sonata, and the japanese Hana Kimi.

Since I am a big romantic dramas/films fan I have seen a few K-films as well, such as 100 Days with Mr. Arrogant, 200 Pounds Beauty and My Sassy Girl. Oh and LOLed with We Got Married (a "reality show" that portraits famous participants trying to be real life couples).

I leave the recommendations and go watch another episode of Full House XP *

New Start

2009-09-07T21:41:00.002+01:00

Jobs applied for, today: 3

Since I am starting a new chapter in my life, I thought I needed a new beginning in my blog as well. So here it is.